Mother

Oh mother i am small again
and i know that it's so wrong
but i can't take another step
you know i'm not that strong

you have cut me down to size
as every good mommy should
said you'll keep me safe and warm
if i promise to be good

oh mother i have stayed so still
and yet you've let me go
i lie in dust and wait for you
you'll save me soon, i know

like a child beneath the covers
i hear your footsteps and your rage
but you don't come to tuck me in
or scare the nightmares away

oh mother there are monsters
and they hold my hand so tight
and even though they hurt me bad
somehow it feels just right.

my heart

my heart lives in a house of bones
surviving behind ivory bars
a princess in a castle, it beats its fists
then dreams through the rest of the day
at night it sighs by the light of the moon
wishing someone would save it
but when it goes to sleep it smiles
to know just where it will be come morning

a love poem

morning comes and it's you

i see leaping laughing over me

the sun rises and sinks, rises and sinks

each time you smile

i adore you, i implore you not to

uncage me, open my ribs and unleash my

beating beaten heart

i wait for you and

i'll wait for you but

don't untie me like a package of

old love letters

don't read all my words, memorize

my stories until you're sure that

when i smile, you can see

the entire day go by.

Icarus

built myself out of

feathers and tar

a girl doll angel a sinner

something secret inside

through my skin you could see my

blue blue veins like ocean

running beneath flesh

you said

like a roadmap to my heart

then why oh why did we get so lost

flying up so high

so close to your fierce burning

brightness that i

melted away

and when the sun set

there i lay molten girl hardening in moonlight

only the shape of my wings

the map under my skin

betraying the girl i used to be

falling falling

your arms around me makes it

hard to breathe i feel my

breath leaving my chest

i feel my

soul uncurl from my bones feel the

frozen floor stinging my feet

feel your laugh a shooting star

falling through me

the lump in my throat

front-page news like

people holding hands jumping from burning buildings

sinking and sinking through the

silence of my mind even when i squeeze eyes closed and

try not to breathe

you are a kaleidoscope of colors scents sounds i

could watch the sunlight cross your face all day i

can watch shadow of eyelashes on your cheek and

feel your laugh warm the soles of my feet

hear the singing of my heart over the

black-and-white sadness.

little bird

little bird your broken wing won't find a

home in your nest of twigs no one can

care for you there and

oh dear what if you

fall?

all your questions end in answers your song like a

plea please stay singing singing

outside her window with your tattered wing and

broken song

reminding us that it is morning again and

again and again and

broken things still sing.

Hades

Why do you drag yourself back into my dreams

like a dying man crawling on hands and knees, Hades?

You've filled me with your fire and ice

you took me once, you took me twice.

Oh Hades, Hades.

Flowers don't bloom when you make me stay,

the skies so black and our faces grey, Hades.

I tasted you upon my tongue, realized too late

and now I'm done.

Oh Hades, Hades, Hades.

You can bury me beneath the sea,

you can pull your nightmares from my dreams

you can cut my wings and yell 'go free',

but I'm not your Persephone,

so let me go now, Hades.

Did you think you could fool me in the dark

thought I wouldn't feel you make your mark, Hades?

You held me up, you shook me down,

you tore my feet right off the ground.

Oh Hades, Hades.

Sister worried and my Mother cried

but I couldn't hear them over your damn lies, Hades.

You burnt me with your wanting touch,

you had me but it wasn't much.

Oh Hades, Hades, Hades

You can bury me beneath the sea,

you can pull your nightmares from my dreams

you can cut my wings and yell 'go free',

but I'm not your Persephone,

so let me go now, Hades.

You can string me up from tree to tree,

you can bruise and cut and kick at me,

you can eat my love with endless greed,

but my name's not Persephone,

and it's time for spring now, Hades.

monster

In corners and shadows you hid and jumped

scaring me like a little girl

sliding socks along hardwood floors

dragged feet, you didn't want to leave but

I was never ready fast enough always

pulling me from the mirror before the tears had dried

never wanted lights on while you slept

blacked out the shadows of your body

didn't want me to sketch you, draw you out with my hands

without a nightlight I could never be sure whether

I was sleeping next to a prince or the

monster mother used to check for before she tucked me into bed.

eros

eros believed that

love lived in words in

fingers entwined in

soft sweetness reflected in a lover's gaze

now the arrows miss our hearts

we are distracted by

ideas and lithe bodies

limbs met in a tangle of

lust mistaken for destiny

are you disappointed by little cupid's

refusal to dip a point in potion and

pierce you?

no one tells stories anymore -

we are stamped by bars and our

inexperience

can't blame the gods for

not believing our untouched flesh could

handle the wound

i wear my love like a scar search for

someone whose body will speak

eros, please come back and

remind us of the myths we have

forgotten to live

i will put myself in your path until

you decide my skin is thick enough to

wear the marks of

the next story i'm supposed to tell.

the way you were made

You said you used to be naive about love and

now you will know better but

i think that you were closer to the truth before

she broke you

i don't know much these days

the time of day, the color of your eyes

but i know the pieces she made of you

don't need to be put back

you don't have to reshape

the way you were made

you are perfectly broken and your

sharp edges only make the sweetness underneath feel

more like a secret that

only i know.

More

You don't know that I know

more than I let on -

your kisstouchlick smooth fingers running

over me through me for me

I know about the words you swallow

cheek pressed to pillow I know I know

what you look like when you sleep

You don't know that I want to know

more than you let on

I want the secrets pressed against your palm to press

against me

I want to know the letters your lips shape

when you lace prose across

different tongues

You don't know that

I could speak your language if you

listened closer.

taking her apart

She drinks beer out of plastic cups and
thinks about mortality.
She feels death sprout from her like
crocuses in spring soil,
danger hugging her to itself like
soft moss embracing hard trees.
Every fluttering eyelash, every
movement in the corner of her eye, is both
nothing and everything.

She sits on liquor-stained couches and she is young.
One more night makes her invincible until she
puts head to pillow and
remembers that she no longer dreams.
She's made of blood and bones and she's
made of iron and fire.
They can drill her and cut her and
put her back together, but she always is,
she always was, she'll never be anything but
whole.

now i know

i didn't think i would

but then there was you and i

didn't think at all

i didn't think i could but i did

and you were there and it was just the way

i had always dreamed but gave up hoping for

there are nothing but cliches here

and now i know why

lovers in movies make love

always leaving something left to say.

infinity

You used to say you'd keep me safe
little girl holding littler girl's hand.
When cars come you still squeeze my fingers tight,
warning me of danger you still hope I
cannot see.

Outside street lights fight with night like
we used to fight off sticks and stones.
I wonder if you still remember
every bruise childhood left?

They could never care enough
but we cared enough for them both and
they could hurt us but we could
always hurt us more.

I've worn your watchfulness like a
coat of armor,
hung it overhead to catch the
fears that swarm my bed.
We have already been marked by love and loss.
So let's make this mark beautiful:
A forever-scar we chose to call our own.

tell me

palms upturned he says

i am empty

the lines etched into his skin like a

roadmap to the answers

he can't give

with lips to ears you whisper how you

want to

fill me up and i am

cross-eyed with desire

i used to want to feel my heart beat like his heart

tried to match my breath to his but it made me

gasp

hands to chest it's easy to

try to hold on to the things that i thought i knew

but things torn out by the root can

never live for long

hands to chest it's easy to

push away and say that

you have nothing

but when i breathe your chest

begins to rise and fall

your palms might hold

everything

your whispers might mark treasure

heartbeats might be

stories

waiting to be told.

liar

they don't laugh the way you

used to

i can't find that fire

in their eyes that dampens

when i cry

they don't smile the way you did

make me melt into myself

i don't dream the way i used to

fear wrapped 'round wishes

wrapped 'round kisses

wrapped 'round you

there is no shield no shelter

no need for tough skin anymore

i can't find what i found in you

in you or in them or in me

and if we reach out and touch i know we could

pretend

but friend, love is never a lie

and we stopped telling the truth

long ago.

echo

in the mirror she looks just like a girl

she used to be

iris blue like bruise

blooming across porcelain cracked

licking at hands brushed with sun

her red lips pressed to

green veins running beneath milk

white skin

she bares teeth roars whimpers

animals marching across the jungle of her body

the rumbleshake of a stampede

moving closer

tender soles on soft feet

she steps on thorns leaves a

trail of footprints like gems on the

first snow

here she bleeds or cries or sleeps

a handful of salt a mouth

full of sand

across the earth she tramps and stomps

only to find herself back in

bright lit bathroom

facing someone

she doesn't know at midnight.

calculating

read you like a text

defined you like math

labeling triangle sides

didn't see the skew in your smile

i gave too much but not enough

against the measure of the miles you drove

nothing can ever compete with

the distances you've gone

calculating but you are warm

with lights off i was blinded by words

you whispered drunkenly

nothing is real if it can't be taught.

be soft sweet

your voice

sweet buzzing softly in ears

telling me you're coming

swallowing, adam's apple

tempting me

you're coming you say

touch so soft sweetly

sinking teeth into

salty skin

you're coming from far away

and it's sweet your

softness when you say

my name

be soft, sweet

you're coming to me

i've been waiting at the door

to let you in.

haunting, hunting

it's starting to sink in

heavy like feet in mud

your absence is not a joke

already scar tissue forms

over the wounds that you have left

trying hard not to put my hands where

i'm trying to heal

the world is filled with you and i wonder

if you feel the same

if you look at those girls

with their long shiny hair

and think about all the times you wrapped mine around your fist

tugging heads back like a puppeteer

in your bed i disappeared slowly

pieces of me becoming ghostlike

haunting, hunting for something to bring me back

you left me but i left you

became something you couldn't see

and your blindness now, it's sweet but sad

and i'm glad i am not

haunting you anymore.

Departures

where are you

hiding beneath pillows and sheets

of paper i have written on

trying to decode words that i have

repeated to you a million times

you're flying out today

wake me up at 2 am so i will

see you off

leaving me alone in cold house

with colder heart

shrugging off my tears

seems i have been waiting for you

for years

your arrival the

ultimate disappointment

i wished on stars for

something better than what you gave

wished that i were

better for you

twisted myself into a

million positions

wishing you would just

untangle me and let me breathe

there are many ways to lie

but only one way to stand

my back to you because i'm not

going back to you

won't waste wishes on

men who tie me up

only to let me go.

Buried Love

You cursed the ground with

angry feet

stomped love into the earth

ignored the dirt under my fingernails after i

tried to claw it back out

used to be

flowers grew between cracks of concrete

always thought of signs

when i saw petals open against hard skies

frost gathered on our windows first

so thick my breath could not melt the ice

thought to carve out a message for help

but knew it would look backwards from the outside

now when stems grow

no petals come

bulbs are shriveled and small

hiding from your stare

even flowers know not to bloom

when you've buried love.

Narcissus

Narcissus stole my voice

took my tongue in his beak and

pulled

slept on it while he

preened in the mirror

I plucked a feather from his back

and wore it in my hair

brought vultures calling like

something had died

Narcissus took my ink

and told me to carve it in stone

then he took my stone

and told me to carve it in me

I am scattered, scarred

by his reflection in the water

stood staring so long he became an old man

stood staring so long that i took my tongue and ran.

miracle

i remember the smell of it

your gray wool sweater

lust lying on damp grass

the sky looked like all

our dreams taken flight

your voice like honey

reaching for my tongue

now, your laugh between

my legs

voice touching my throat in

waves full of ifs

i memorize your letters like

a child reciting fairy-tales

tap the rhythm of the tides

into my words for you

walk on water

be a man or a miracle

gift me with the curse of

the ocean between us

lost

In between your knees I sit

bubbles up to chin

washing bodies in

soiled water

Did you know that you could

pull the plug on me

watch everything swirl out until

only dirt is left

How many ways can you

fuck the love out of someone

how many ways can you

try to make your lover clean

Only your palm prints

like pond scum

remain on the

porcelain inside of me

You cannot open me up

and scrub it out you cannot

fill the emptiness

again

Watch me wash myself away

scrub legs raw until you are a simple

memory of something spoiled

long before i

shed my skin.

man of my dreams

once i told you i thought i dreamt the future

your smirk

tv remote in hand

changing channels like you were

saying something

last night i saw you in bed with her

again and again

i dreamt the future

woke up to the present like i knew it would come

but when i rolled over to you scared eyes wide in the dark

you always said just a nightmare

i would never

you should never

just go back to sleep

last night i heard you say the words

again and again

no more tongue on thigh

kisses circling neck like a noose

freedom tastes like

nights gone sour with rum and tears

if i could pull the ribbons from this tape

and find an empty mind

well then

i would have a smirk

tv remote in hand

i'd change the channel

go back to sleep and

i could be the girl

of your dreams